i dont know if this is a hello or good bye to my future. i cant honestly say i havent thought this world would be anyless without me, i know ive thought of the ways that wouldnt be a pain to bear, or the ways id cope with life
maybe im just not some one whos cut out for this life, maybe i just need to start over.

different body, different time, different life.

and ill look in the history books and see myself in this form and see a glimpse of what i had been

there are so many artist in this world, i dont think im as good as the better ones, as pretty as i could be, as lovable as i might be, as confident as i should be and as productive as i want to be. its not about what im leaving behind- im leaving behind some important things i would miss if i were there to miss them.

'Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean

But now the current's only pulling me down
It's getting harder to breathe
It won't be too long and I'll be going under
Can you save me from this?'

from the song

i have become a jaded and cold person,
ive taken advantage
ive lacked willpower
mental harmony is hard to come by these days
ive buried so many things i dont want to think about
i cant even think about what is in the present let alone the past
i fear sickness
i fear failure
and ive stepped into those shoes
i cant handle full capacity right now...